fear vs courage

not sure if i wrote about this before. but as i grow older.. somehow my fear of stuff gets worst.

its because i know how bad my skin condition can be that even when there's a small little outbreak i freak out and get super worked up and irritated and scared that it may lead to something worst. which is more often then not isnt the case. but because i get so worked up and stuff, probably its a self fulfilling prophecy ?

and just because i couldnt sleep well for 2 days in a row, i dont feel like going to bed for fear of not being able to sleep again. how lame can i be right? but yes, i really dont like being unable to sleep =(

then again now that i think of it, why cant i look at things another way?like because i healed from the rashes, so with the little bit of rash i should be thinking to myself it'd be ok since i recovered from it before mah. (ok this seriously doesnt work.. haha cos healing from rashes takes a freaking long time and lots of determination not to scratch. rawr.)

sigh, there's like so many ideas in my head but its just so difficult to organize them and articulate what i wanna say properly. this is why i fail my essays.

this fear is kinda similar to that embedded in the elephant that is tied to a tiny stick. except for them it isnt really a fear rather a belief that its impossible to escape. but if they didnt lose hope they would have been free. (or maybe shot dead by the hunters, but lets be more hopeful here. haha.)